HOW TO: DEAL WITH TOXIC PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE

We’ve all dealt with that person in our lives who exudes negativity or brings your energy levels down in some way. It’s natural to want to stay friends or acquaintances with this person because most of us don’t know how to express that, well, they are being toxic and they need to stop it. If you’re dealing with a toxic person in your life, check out the following tips. I hope they’re helpful!

Tip #1: Know that this toxic person has issues with themselves, not with you.

What they say and do is a reflection of who they are and what they are feeling. Some people have unresolved anger or are predisposed to negativity. Some of them are completely narcissistic. Many of these people act on those feelings because they either don’t know any better or feel that hurting you will make them feel better. This is called insecurity. Reassure yourself that so long as you haven’t done anything to hurt this person, the toxicity they are emitting has nothing to do with you.

Tip #2: Remind yourself of who you are and what kind of person you are.

Chances are you’re a good person who is kind and compassionate, along with many other great attributes. This is easy to forget if you’re constantly being told or made to feel the opposite. You are not a bad person. You have no reason to dwell in negativity. It’s important not to lose sight of this because the moment you do, it makes it so easy for this toxic person to take advantage of you and your feelings. Remind yourself constantly of everything good you have to offer and hold on to that like your well-being depends on it, because it does. Make a list and keep it handy when you’re having a moment of weakness.

Tip #3: People change. This includes you. Accept that.

Sometimes we stay in friendships or relationships we have outgrown because we’re afraid of letting go. We believe that because we became friends with a person when we were twelve, we owe them our time for the rest of our lives. This is simply not true. While it’s admirable to have loyalty to someone, it’s not okay to keep being loyal when it’s producing self-harm in the form of negative feelings. You don’t owe anybody your time or friendship. Recognize that you are different people and it’s perfectly normal to go your separate ways.

Tip #4: You’re not going to please everyone. And that’s okay.

There’s a saying that goes, “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world and there will still be someone who does not like peaches.” This means that no matter how good or kind or friendly you are, someone can still refuse to like you. Plain and simple. So why waste your energy trying to win somebody over? Instead, use that energy on people who love and energize you in return. 

Tip #5: Confront this toxic person.

I don’t mean you have to get aggressive or obnoxious in your confrontation. This simply means you can do something as straightforward as asking them if there is a problem you don’t know about or something that is bothering them. You can also tell them straight up if something is bothering you and why. Sometimes there is no other solution than to address the elephant in the room. Talk it out, but remember to remain calm and objective.

Tip #6: Set boundaries.

I am very adamant about things that I don’t want to talk about, and it’s easy for me to shut down a conversation or action I don’t feel comfortable with. But this takes practice. It’s completely okay to tell somebody, “I don’t want to talk about this” or “I don’t want to do this.” If they ask why, you have absolutely no obligation to explain why. “No” is a complete sentence. Boundaries are healthy and necessary so that people who feel they want to take advantage of you do not walk all over you. And if all else fails, at the end of the day, sometimes all you can do is ignore or possibly even block this toxic person.

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